


The Curious Case of the Captain Conundrum

by havetardiswilltimetravel



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Cereal Fandom?, Crack, M/M, Pure Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2020-01-07 03:51:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18402548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/havetardiswilltimetravel/pseuds/havetardiswilltimetravel
Summary: “What’s so special about HIM?” John asked, unable to keep the jealousy from his voice.“John, he has his own CEREAL,” Sherlock said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “He’s famous, he’s a CAPTAIN...and he knows how to coordinate an outfit.”





	The Curious Case of the Captain Conundrum

**Author's Note:**

> I don't remember how the conversation got started, but it ended with us deciding that Sherlock would definitely use a relationship with Captain Crunch as a way to make John jealous. And then YorkiePug made a manip. And then this happened.

 

“What’s so special about HIM?” John asked, unable to keep the jealousy from his voice.

“John, he has his own CEREAL,” Sherlock said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “He’s famous, he’s a CAPTAIN...and he knows how to coordinate an outfit.”

John looked down at his jumper and jeans and then back up to see Sherlock very clearly staring at Captain Crunch’s arse. Hmph. He had a better arse than that. And he didn’t have to be in uniform to show it off...though digging it out of his closet and putting it on was seeming like a better idea by the minute.

“You can’t be serious...” he said, trying to keep his jealous frustration at bay.

“And why not?” Sherlock raised an eyebrow, glancing away from the naval captain (currently looking for a step stool in the kitchen) to look at John.

John sputtered. “I...he’s...he’s too old for you!”

“Excuse me?” Sherlock’s voice was amused.

“He’s too old for you,” John pushed on. “And you have nothing in common.”

“We both love his cereal.”

“The perfect basis for a relationship.”

“Oh, we have disagreements, yes, I’m partial to Berry Crunch and he’s dead set on Original, but we can overcome those.”

“Are you hearing yourself?”

“Why do you care?”

“I...” John swallowed, feeling like he had shown his hand. “I just think you should end up with someone...compatible.”

“And you think he’s not?”

“What do you even really know about him?” John asked, gesturing at the tiny man pouring himself a bowl of cereal in their kitchen. “Do you even know his real first name?”

“I...”

“Do you KNOW he’s a real captain? I haven’t seen captains wear hats like that since the 18th century.”

“...ok fine. He’s not my boyfriend.”

“What???”

“Well, he is, but it’s for a case.”

John looked at him incredulously, though the knot in his chest seemed to loosen.

“If it’s for a case, why would you pretend that it’s real?”

“To see if you would get jealous.” Sherlock grinned. “And you did.”

John opened his mouth but found he had nothing to say.

“What case?” He asked, changing the subject.

“Murder threats around cereal mascots have always been a problem. We can all remember when Count Chocula received that package with garlic lining the edges and a stake on top.”

John nodded solemnly.

“Well, this time someone’s actually been killed.” Sherlock pauses, looking at the captain out of the corner of his eye. “Lucky was found dead 3 days ago. His charms had been taken as well as his gold. The kids stalking him were prime suspects but their alibis were airtight. A partial of the captain’s fingerprints were found on the leprechaun’s pot. And after careful analysis, I’ve found rainbow residue on his shoes.”

“Are you saying we have a cereal killer in our flat right now?” John hissed.

“No, it’s just the one murder. I had wanted to get a confession out of him before you so nicely blundered in,” Sherlock murmured back. “But I do think we have enough to go on now.”

“So we should call Lestrade.”

“Yes. And then...” Sherlock trailed off.

“Then?”

“Well, I do believe you were thinking of putting your uniform on to outdo Crunch not minutes ago, and I have to say, Captain,” Sherlock smirked. “I’d love to see that.”

**Author's Note:**

> Photo manipulation by YorkiePug found here: https://twitter.com/YorkiePug/status/1115343885524447233


End file.
